the blog
Mental health resources & reflections
Therapist-written reflections on people-pleasing, religious trauma, anxiety, attachment, relationships & learning to trust yourself again. Written by me, Emilee, a licensed therapist offering online therapy for women in Alaska, Arizona, Texas, Utah & Washington.
WHY DO I MISS RELIGIOUS RITUALS AFTER LEAVING MY FAITH?
You can miss a religious ritual without wanting your old religion back. When faith changes, it makes sense to grieve the traditions, rhythms and community that came with it.
HOW TO FIND A THERAPIST: A COMPREHENSIVE GUIDE
Finding a therapist is weirdly hard, especially when you’re already struggling. Here’s how to find a therapist who actually fits: what to look for, what to ask, and what to do if the first one isn’t right.
WHAT IS RELIGIOUS DISENCHANTMENT?
Leaving a religion can be so much bigger than changing what you believe. Religious disenchantment gives us language for the grief and disorientation of watching your whole worldview shift.
WHAT ARE THE SIGNS YOU WERE PARENTIFIED AS A CHILD?
Being the "mature" kid probably got you a lot of praise. Here are five current signs you were parentified as a child, and how that role can still shape your needs, boundaries and relationships.
WHAT ARE HEALTHY BOUNDARIES (& WHAT AREN’T THEY)?
Boundaries aren’t about controlling other people or making sure nobody’s ever upset with you. Here are four things boundaries are NOT, and what healthy boundaries actually look like instead.
WHY CAN’T I FEEL ANGRY?
If you’ve built your whole identity around being understanding and easygoing, anger can feel like an emotion you’re not allowed to have. Reclaiming anger means learning to listen to what it’s trying to tell you.
WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO EARN MY WORTH?
If you feel best about yourself when you’re productive, helpful or needed, your self-worth might have become something you have to keep proving. Here’s what it can look like to separate who you are from what you do.
HOW DO I BELONG WITHOUT CONFORMING?
Belonging doesn’t have to mean becoming the same as the people we love. Carl Rogers’s idea of being "strong in our separateness" offers a beautiful way to think about individuation, religion and staying connected through change.
HOW DO I REDEFINE MY BELIEFS AFTER LEAVING RELIGION?
When religious beliefs change, the language we use to understand ourselves doesn’t always change with them. Redefining, reclaiming and reframing can help you decide which words still feel like yours after religion.
WHAT IS THE FAWN RESPONSE?
Sometimes people-pleasing is about more than wanting to be liked. Accommodating and monitoring everyone can become a way to feel safe when disagreement or disappointment doesn’t feel survivable.
WHY DOES MY SELF-WORTH DEPEND ON BEING NEEDED?
When being needed becomes how you know you matter, helping can turn into something heavier. Let’s talk about codependency, self-worth, resentment and learning to care without abandoning yourself.
CAN TRAUMA CAUSE ANXIETY?
Your anxiety might not be random at all. Here’s how trauma and past experiences can shape anxiety, and what healing can actually look like.
WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BLAME & ACCOUNTABILITY?
You can own what you did without deciding you’re a terrible person. Here’s the difference between blame and accountability, and why it changes how we handle conflict.
WHY DO I MAKE EXCUSES FOR HOW PEOPLE TREAT ME?
Ever explain away your own hurt before you’ve even felt it? Here’s how we invalidate ourselves through justifications and excuses, and how to hold context without canceling your experience.
WHY DON’T I KNOW WHAT I NEED?
If you can tell what everyone else needs in two seconds flat but freeze when someone asks what YOU want, this one’s for you. Here’s how people-pleasing disconnects us from our needs, and how to start listening again.
HOW DO I STOP BLACK-AND-WHITE THINKING?
One mistake and suddenly you’re "terrible at this"? That’s polarized thinking, and it loves extremes. Here’s how to spot black-and-white thinking and make a little more room for the gray.
WHY DOES IT HELP TO NAME MY EMOTIONS?
"I feel bad" doesn’t tell you much about what you need. Here’s why name it to tame it works, and how getting more specific with your emotions can help you respond with more intention.
HOW DO I SET BOUNDARIES WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY?
Boundaries aren’t only about saying no to other people. For people-pleasers especially, they’re how we remember there are two people in a relationship, and we’re one of them!
WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO EARN LOVE?
If you feel most lovable when you’re useful, easy or needed, you may be carrying "conditions of worth." Here’s how those invisible rules feed people-pleasing, and how to start loosening them.
HOW CAN I HOLD TWO FEELINGS AT ONCE?
What if two seemingly contradictory things can both be true? Here’s how swapping "but" for "and" can help you move beyond black-and-white thinking and make room for the complicated people we love (ourselves included).