people-pleasing

“Oh, no worries! I don’t want to be an inconvenience!”

“I just wanted to check, but it’s totally fine if not!”

“I’m good with anything, whatever works best for you!”

Do you hear yourself saying those things? Do you find yourself neglecting your own needs in order to make sure those around you are happy & comfortable? Do you regularly find yourself trying to please the people in your life? (See what I did there?)

If so, you are not alone. But you are likely exhausted & resentful & ready to do something about it! I’m guessing that’s why you’re here—you want to relieve yourself of your people-pleasing tendencies. You want to get to the root of those behaviors to understand why you prioritize others instead of yourself. You want to finally start communicating what you need in your relationships! You want to even just figure out what you need in your relationships! You want to set boundaries! (Okay, maybe that last one is scary. Let’s go with: you want to get to a place where you are comfortable with setting boundaries! Is that better?)

People pleasing typically develops as a coping mechanism in response to trauma, such as experiencing rejection or neglect in childhood. Individuals who engage in this behavior tend to have deeply held beliefs about their own self-worth being tied to their ability to make others happy. In therapy, we can explore where those beliefs about your worth came from, how past relationships or experiences reinforced them, & begin building a sense of worth that isn’t dependent on being liked, needed, helpful, or easy to be around.

As we delve into these roles and behaviors within your relationships, patterns begin to emerge that might have been previously unnoticed. Understanding how trauma and beliefs influence your desire to please others can empower you to break free from harmful cycles and build healthier connections. We will also work to identify your personal signs of people pleasing and shift your focus toward self-care and self-validation. This can involve developing new communication skills, boundary-setting, and challenging underlying beliefs that may be keeping you trapped in ineffective coping mechanisms. By exploring the roots of your beliefs and behaviors, you will cultivate a more resilient sense of self and approach relationships from a place of empowerment and authenticity that isn't dependent on others' approval. You will experience a greater sense of agency in your relationships and a deeper understanding of your own needs and desires.

The goal isn’t to stop caring about other people or become completely independent. Instead, we can work toward interdependence—relationships where you can care for others while still having needs, boundaries, preferences, and a sense of self that belongs to you. You can learn to support the people you love without becoming responsible for their emotions, sacrificing yourself to keep the peace, or measuring your worth by how needed you are.

Read my blog posts about people-pleasing to learn more.