she’s a recovering people-pleaser, too :)Who I help: online therapy for people-pleasers, over-givers & big feelers
Virtual therapy for women in Alaska, Arizona, Texas, Utah & Washington navigating people-pleasing, religious trauma, attachment wounds & anxiety
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There's no quick fix (& that's okay)
I work a lot with people-pleasers. Because of this, the clients I work with often want to figure out how to fix their problems. They're so used to trying to fix other people's problems that they believe everything will be better once they have a solution.
Well, the clients who have success with me know that there's no magic solution. They might start by asking me for answers, to help them "fix" away their problems…but they soon realize that there is no quick fix. These clients realize that they want to take the time to learn how to listen to their needs. They want to stop looking to other people for solutions or even to give them their sense of worth.
I'm not here to give my clients a fish—I'm here to help them learn how to fish
both
Two niches, sometimes one story
I also work with clients who have experienced religious trauma or are navigating a faith transition. This is a separate niche, so my clients might have religious trauma without being a people-pleaser, or they might be a people-pleaser without having religious trauma. But these two aren't mutually exclusive. Sometimes my clients fall into both categories: because of the religious trauma they experienced, they learned codependent behaviors that encouraged their people-pleasing tendencies. Whether my clients fall into either or both categories, there are past experiences they want to process to help them change their beliefs about how they show up in relationships.
The clients who have success with me
They're willing to pause
Most of the clients I see have experienced complex trauma, so they often have a lot of self-awareness. I love this—it gives us a leg up in our work. The clients who have success with me are willing to slow down & come back into their bodies (which is also where EMDR can be really helpful). They stop intellectualizing & they embrace their emotions.
They come ready to work
Oh, & these clients come ready to work. They're tired of how things have been & they're ready to see shifts in their lives. They're ready to make those shifts happen. It's okay if they don't know what they need to do just yet—that's what our time together in therapy is for! But they do know they need something to change in their lives.
My specialties
The main things my clients come to therapy for:
People-pleasing
People-pleasing can look like kindness from the outside while quietly costing you your needs, boundaries & sense of self.
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People-pleasing can look like kindness from the outside while quietly costing you your needs, boundaries & sense of self. If you want to work through your people-pleasing tendencies with me, we'll explore the origins of your people-pleasing: when did it start? When did you begin to believe that your worth was tied to how helpful or happy you were? How does safety, control & connection play a role in your people-pleasing tendencies?
Once we explore the root causes, we'll validate the worries & fears that keep you from prioritizing yourself. We'll understand the self-abandoning behaviors you've developed & we'll figure out how you want to show up instead. We'll find ways to help you foster meaningful relationships & communicate boundaries (once you're ready for boundaries—boundaries can be scary! I get it, as a recovering people-pleaser myself :)
Anxiety
Sometimes anxiety looks like overthinking every interaction, needing to make the “right” decision or wondering if someone is upset with you.
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Sometimes anxiety looks like obvious worry or panic, but sometimes it looks more like overthinking every interaction, needing to make the "right" decision, preparing for every possible outcome, or constantly wondering if someone is upset with you.
We'll get curious about what your anxiety is trying to protect you from & explore the beliefs, experiences, emotions & patterns underneath it. The goal isn't to eliminate anxiety entirely—it's to help you trust yourself enough that anxiety doesn't have to make all of your decisions for you.
Attachment wounds
The attachment wounds we experienced from our caretakers stay with us & inform the way we show up in the world & in relationships.
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While it can be difficult to acknowledge that all of your needs weren't met in childhood, it can be empowering to validate that very thing so you can understand how you adapted accordingly. The attachment wounds we experienced from our caretakers (sometimes called family-of-origin wounds or mother wounds) stay with us & inform the way we show up in the world & in our relationships.
I'm here to help you gently face some of the things you experienced, while learning to hold multiple truths about your experiences: there can be pain where there is also gratitude.
Relationships & relational trauma
We'll take a hard look at the relationships you keep finding yourself in again & again, with curiosity & compassion.
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The relationship issues we dive into aren't just present in your current relationships: sure, that's what we explore to understand your patterns & behaviors. But therapy with me isn't just about processing a break-up or venting about an annoying friend: we'll take a hard look at those relationships you just keep finding yourself in again & again. We'll confront the ways you show up in relationships that you're not exactly proud of. We'll explore all these things with curiosity & compassion, because we'll try to understand where your blueprint for relationships came from & why you learned you had to show up a certain way in your relationships.
Religious trauma
Growing up in high-control religion shapes your values, beliefs & identity. Those who get it, get it—and I get it.
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Growing up in high-control religion completely shapes one's values, beliefs & identity. Leaving high-control religion is more than just deciding to not go to church: it's a choice to walk away from your community & to rebuild the way you live your life. And if you've stayed, or you're somewhere in between, there's room for you here, too.
Those who get it, get it—and I get it. I left high-control religion & am here to hold space for you as you process the intricate ways that religion shaped & impacted your everyday life.
Who I work especially well with
Women with mother wounds & emotionally immature parents
I work with any clients who have emotionally immature parents, but my bread & butter are clients with emotionally immature mothers. If you leave a phone call with your mom feeling like a kid again, you're in the right place.
Over-givers
I love holding space for those who hold so much for others & who give so much to others. Calling all those who over-give or over-do in their relationships (maybe to the point of resentment)!
Therapists looking for their own therapist
I really enjoy working with other therapists. I love being extra-human for my therapist clients, so they can feel extra-comfy showing their human parts without worrying about judgment (because hello! Therapists are humans, too).
Big feelers
Big feelers tend to be creatives & empaths (though I love working with intellectualizers too :) I really enjoy the natural flow of sessions with clients who see things creatively & are naturally informed by their emotions.
Those deconstructing Mormonism or leaving the LDS church
I work with anyone who has left a high-control religion, but I relate most to those who have left the Mormon church, because I left too :) (I went to BYU, served a mission & even worked for LDS Charities!)
If I haven't listed a specialty area here, it doesn't mean I don't work with those presenting concerns or issues—this is just the short list of what I choose to focus on. Feel free to fill out my Therapy Interest Form or e-mail me if you want to see if I'm comfortable working with your unique presenting concerns or issues!
Online therapy in Alaska, Arizona, Texas, Utah & Washington
All of my sessions are virtual, so you can meet with me from anywhere in the states where I'm licensed: Alaska, Arizona, Texas, Utah & Washington. If something on this page sounds like you, fill out my Therapy Interest Form. I'll reach out about scheduling a free 15-minute consultation so we can meet, talk about what you're looking for & see if we might be a good fit.
Fill out the form
Tell me a little about you & what's bringing you to therapy.
Hear back from me
I'll reach out within two business days.
Chat for 15 minutes
A free, low-pressure call to see if we're a fit.
Start therapy
We get your first session on the calendar.